Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Introspection: We chase security till death!

Today I am about to be 34 in about a few days. I think I have had a successful stint at leading life to a respectable position. I have grown from earning 1500 a month to earning in lakhs. I have learnt to keep myself productively busy. Very busy.

But a strange thought is currently depriving me of all my pride and contentment.

We are only taught and doctrinated to chase security. We are not taught to chase our dreams.

Security, I feel is a transient term, a state of mind that changes with context, time and money.

I have been chasing security. I have been chasing money. I have been chasing the easiest and the most secure way to make money. Not knowing how much is enough money. Not knowing how much money will give you enough security.

I surely had a passion and an inkling of my interests. I am happy that I didnt go completely haywire. I studied advertising at MICA. Designed communication for McDonald's

Then I think the inevitable had to happen. I aimed for convenience, comfort, stability and security. I jumped jobs and skills that were of interest and convenience to me and that which could fetch me more money. Soon, I had EMIs to pay, a house to run, a car to drive, a bike to ride. I had a lifestyle to maintain. Pubs to go and luxuries to experience.

Maya-Nagari Mumbai, all the while assisted me in my quest for security. I didnt realise and understand the maya.

I took the stand still-traffic to be a necessary evil to be waded through. I took to working 10-12 hours as if I had no option. I considered the brown sky without any stars to be the natural sky. I took the honks, construction sounds, and all the artificial sounds to be natural. Sometimes I think I will become deaf. I took to staying away from my parents as something that everyone in a metro does. It seemed normal.

Thinking of what's next become a priority. Ambition, Performance, Ego, More Money, peer pressure became a way of life... Anxiety is accepted. They say there are pills that are abused to control anxiety. So much for security.

I forgot to look back, to introspect. Today, I feel a bit shaky. Security still alludes me. Security has become a never ending chase.

Time to think. Time to realise my dreams. Its never too late.


  1. time to think has long gone.... thinking is a waste of time... get rid of the liabilities and head home... we always say... I AM THINKING OF....____. SO LAME...

  2. Really...makes one think....but Money is an addiction...a dangerous addiction

  3. Its not about heading home. Or running away from reality. Its about introspecting. Its about the PAUSE which gives you the opportunity and aperture to think about your dreams and the right perspective about life.

  4. mashallah you have come a long way in life but you havent turned back to look have you? you got to appreciate what you have achieved so far, many are just dreaming of what you have and security will come eventually - as will the contentment :)

  5. Happiness & pride I do have over my achievements... but not sure if such achievements or the direction I successfully took to have security in my life were worth my life...


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