Transparency & Trust are mutually exclusive

Yesterday, we were having this debate about how important is to talk with accountability. That we should not say everything that you feel like saying...

My brother, who was primarily working on his laptop, suddenly gets up & shoots his salvo. You guys are talking nonsense!! Everyone should be transparent and that he is transparent and that he cares a hoot about what others feel as long as he is transparent. Then he went on to say why Govt should be transparent, politics should be transparent etc etc...

It was good that he went on his speech for some time. It made my Dad - mostly a silent self after Parkinson's got him, utter a sentence that really pushed me to the wall & made me think... and now I am blogging.

He said that "if everyone becomes transparent, it will be difficult to trust people. Our society runs on trust"

My instant reaction was that "wow, this is serious stuff!" But I didnt understand the implications fully. I wondered about how is trust related to transparency. Both trust and transparency should co-exist, as both are virtues that generations have been preaching.

Slowly it dawned on me how correct is my Dad. It became quite clear in my head that you cannot afford to be transparent if you are in a social fabric of friends, family and colleagues. As long as this world and our lives are based on trust, friendships and gossip, we cannot be transparent. If you are transparent, nobody will share their selves, as you would not keep it to yourself; and you wont have a social circuit.

It is actually a big deal to be discreet, secretive, trust-worthy and therefor non-transparent, diplomatic and political.

So you cant be transparent when it comes to the society, your family, your friends and colleagues. Sad.

Thinking deeper, actually you can never be transparent about yourself too, leave the society. Thats depression.

Let me not write further. Its better to live life like it comes to you. I wont say f the ideals, but they should be cursory in the periphery guiding you from going insane to the society at large.

Loving Mumbai - its spirit, its people, its conscience

Mumbai is my home. And I'm lovin it.

On the 3rd of January 2002 with my RX 100 on a train from Ahmedabad, I arrived in Borivali, Mumbai. From then, it has been such a positive ride.

Sure, I had my share of frustrations in the initial initiation to the big bad Mumbai. From getting the bike out of the Borivali train station to traveling in the local train to reach lower parel, the next 15 days were a nightmare. I was not used to such a fast life in Ahmedabad.

With optimism for life and no such great ambition, I started my journey to settle down in Mumbai, to get my rythm back and start my life.

In these 8 years, I moved from Borivali to Sewri (what a relocation; with of all that I had in my Yamaha to a place which is the other end of Mumbai), from Sewri to Shivaji Park, from Shivaji Park to Mahim, from Mahim to Sion and then to my own home in Tilak Nagar, Chembur.

Occupationally, I moved from advertising & media to making ad films, from marketing to online marketing to my current position of Head - Internet Banking, Deutsche Bank. Yes, I work in a bank handling technology after starting my career with an agency handling advertising.

Here, as surprised you might be as a reader, I am also surprised at the opportunities that Mumbai has given to me to discover myself, my talent and my latent interests. I followed my dreams and dreams became reality. With time, money ceased to be an issue for most of my waking hours. I do get greedy at times.

Now thats too materialistic a reason to love Mumbai. Thats not what I wanted to write today. I wanted to write about my experiences, my feelings with Mumbai in these 8 years of living here, of making such tectonic shifts in my life.

The essense is that I have never felt alone in Mumbai. I never felt insecure in Mumbai. It has given life to my will to hardwork, be good, have patience, have faith and keep going.

From that day in 2002, when I found a helping leg to push my empty tanked bike to the nearest petrol station to yesterday when I found a stranger helping my dad (a parkinson's patient) to walk in the dark theatre towards his seat (we were there to watch Aladin & I went ahead to find the row), I have so many good memories of Mumbai and its beautiful people that it fills my heart to become a better person myself. I wish thats an epidemic and everybody is therefore becoming a better person themselves.

Let me jot down a few of my everlasting memories of Mumbai:

# Borivali to Sewri for a 10 days old on a bike in Mumbai was tough. I didnt take a single wrong turn and I found my destination in around an hour and half. In Mumbai it seems nobody has time for anybody but I found time from everyone. Everytime I asked for directions from an autorickshaw driver to an office goer, I got clear directions. From dharavi, I actually found someone who told me to follow him till my destiny. He actually took an extra turn for me. It was such a great satisfying journey, which could have been the worst in my life with 3 bags in a RX 100 with no clue about road directions.

# I am a bit of a crazy bike fanatic. Once I stubborned my way to take my father to the hospital for his acupressure session. While returning, he was having problem in getting onto the bike. Two gentlemen came and help him get on the bike. It was good till then. On the way, he got uncomfortable and was not keeping his balance on the bike. I had to stop somewhere near Goregaon in the WE highway. The magic started then. In a matter of minutes, my dad was brought down from my bike, given water, a stool to sit and relax. After a good 15 minutes when my Dad was comfortable, they again helped him onto the bike and we reached home. I was overwhelmed beyond words. I decided to become a better man myself.

# The fact that I dont have to bargain when I get into an Auto / Taxi is such a relief that we can only realise when we go to Delhi/Bangalore/Chennai. There is of course a slight problem that I ocassionally face. The taxis standing close to office premises wont budge for shorter distances. Once it happened that two girls (quite good looking and so I was observing or you may say leering at them) were trying to hire a taxi. They tried the standing taxis. They didnt budge, so they started waving for the passing taxis. Suddenly I see these two traffic policemen riding a bike passing by the waving girls... What shock me is that they stopped after a few metres to instruct the closest taxi driver to take these girls wherever they wants to go. Now that changed my view about traffic police completely. It is actually such a good life sala.

# I am quite a party animal. And shoulder to shoulder brushes are quite common in any pub in Mumbai. So a few bad looks here and there is accepted to be quite common. For the past 8 years, I have only heard of a few pub skirmishes. I havenot seen them. In Delhi, every pub/party has one fight every night. I may be exaggerating a bit but fights, abuses and quarrels are so much lesser in Mumbai pubs. It is actually fun.

# Last night, in a fit of excitement I left my purse in a paan shop in Bandra. Can you believe that? Yes I managed to do that and fortunately remembered after about travelling 5 kms towards my home. Luckily I have the habit of checking for my purse and mobile every 10-15 minutes. I could only say "WTF, I am screwed." I reviewed my memory and the best chance was the paan shop we stopped. I am still under dis-belief that I have actually got back my purse. God bless the paan walla and I wish he open a paan shop chain and become a paan magnet. Really, that's how magnanimous my wishes are for him.

Let me not drag it now. Just one last line. Mumbai - its people, its spirit and its conscience is really something to be proud of and to be inculcated within.

Dont understand why we say BIG BAD MUMBAI sometimes.

Blogging a Forward

I have grown up playing, peeing and dragging my body when I couldnt walk in a Bengali family among litters of 'sandesh (callaghan)', a puja room with zillions of idol photos, and experiencing many of their typicalities. Today when I was reading this forwarded mail.. it brought back my baby memories... read it and enjoy.

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakattan goes and spends a day hard(ly) at work. And if he works for the "West Bengal Gawrment" he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision.In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, forthe worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, æNa ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabeö

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb-. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debanik, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. "EiMorechhey" is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Montu, Bablu, etc. While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, etc.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second.

K is for 'Kee Kaando'!. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi - the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt. Everest.

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living day lights out of all James Bond stuntmenas well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangtoe. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to ear-ache (oil in the ear), to cough(oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata,but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many nany years ago Rabindranath got the NobelPrize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birth right to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second!

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of "joggo" and "maanot".

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Ofcourse if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born they are handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent peoplearound. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, ôChherey De Bolchhiö but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for XÆmas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

Is Marriage the only ultimate weapon to kill loneliness?

Its my never ending quest on questioning the convention of marriage. I have questioned it from so many points of view during discussions, during my dreamy moments. Finally it would be best to put pen to blogging for documentation sake.

One such question is: Is marriage the only weapon to kill loneliness? Or rather why is marriage the only weapon to kill loneliness?

I know so many boys and girls doing well in life but lonely. My brother, My friends who are yet to get married, My colleagues. They are so frustrated and incapacitated by loneliness that I see them changing their stance on marriage. I see them considering marriage as the only saviour to their lonely dinner time, lonely weekends, lonely life.

Ultimately everyone of us wants to marry... in hopelessness of loneliness knowing well that marriage may not be the ideal solution.

So, how does a working woman and a man find a partner for companionship?

Mumbai is the most glamourous, free, liberated city in the country. It is the city of dreams, city that is thought to be a haven of casual frivolity, of casual companionship, of casual sex. However I see hopelessness of loneliness more pronounced in Mumbai. Are we liberated enough to seek partners?

Mumbai is known to be one of the safest city with girls having no fear to travel and be outside of home at night. Yet we dont speak to strangers. we dont smile at strangers. How does a girl go about talking to a stranger boy in an upmarket pub without being considered cheap, or worse slutty. A up market pub has a homogeneous set of people and is a opportune place to meet likely minded people. But how?

Most of the couples meet each other through common friends. I am talking of working men and women. College days are a bit out of scope for this blog. So if common friends cant help..

We spent most of our waking hours in office and hence the only place to meet people. But we are all very professional to understand that office and personal life is best kept separately.

So when loneliness strikes, the only option becomes marriage. We start looking towards shaadi.com, towards parents et al for the next available opportunity to get married.

If only I could make Mumbai more natural, liberated, social and approachable? And thus marriage wont have to become the only weapon to kill loneliness.